It has been a long time since I've just wrote so I thought I would try again and see what happens.

This past couple of months have been whirlwind. I don't even know where to begin. I've learned that when you give 10 percent God really does come through for ya!! I've also learned to really trust in the Lord and watch him at work. Even in all the chaos and bad news and heartache and sadness, God is in Control!! He has control over every situation. I've been watching another mom go through one of the most horrible things a parent has to go through, watching their son go home to the Lord. I've watched this 8 years ago and I'm watching it all over again. It breaks my heart, but I'm inspired by these Moms!! Even though they are feeling feelings I can't even imagine and the heartache they are going through has to be one of the worst heartaches imaginable, they still remain the strongest women I know. I am so glad that these women have been placed in my life to show me how to laugh through the heartache, and to remember all the little moments in life that seem to pass us by.

I've often wondered why God uses this time of year to bring so much heartache, but it's this time of year that we usually draw us closer to the Lord because we are reminded of why He was born. He chose to be born!! He knew what his life would contain and He still chose to be born. He knew he would live a short life, but what a short life that was!!!!! I look at Danny, Lisa, and Noah's life and even though they were here for such a short time their lives have touched so many people and most stories haven't even been told yet. They have shown us how to smile, dance, sing, and remember the moments in life that really matter!!

This time year is not about the gifts, its about the moments!! My favorite moments this time of year are shopping with my dad for my mom's gift and how fast he goes into a store finds what he wants and gets it and then afterwards we have dinner! Its about hanging out it with mom as she shops for her friends gifts, she's a perfectionist and takes her time finding the perfect gifts. This year so far the greatest moment has been me and Mel decorating our tree and laughing hysterically because we don't know how to do lights!! I love Christmas breakfast with my family, especially the preparing of it!! My mom telling my dad to get out of the kitchen and let her cook, and my dad joking with her that she is going to burn the biscuits again! She does this almost every year!! I love these moments!

This year has been a true blessing! I have so many things to be thankful for! Right now I'm watching Merry Me on lifetime and its about a girl who wants the fairytale! and I think I'm having the fairytale. This year has had a lot of laughs, tears, learning, and watching God at work!!! :)

I want to say thank you to everyone who my life has stood by my side through everything! Attached are photos of my favorite people in the whole wide world!!!

As I am writing this I just found out that Noah has finally found peace and is up in Heaven celebrating with Jesus!!! I love you Noah and thanks for the dance!!!
I love you all,
Michelle

Awesome Weekend

It has been so long since I have blogged so I thought I would share some of my thoughts over the past weekend. This weekend I got to celebrate with some friends. Jean got married on Saturday and it was by far one of the most beautiful weddings I have got to witness!! Jean's family is so special. They have this way of when you walk into their home you feel like family! You feel like you belong and you can feel the presence of their Love for each other and the Lord. Steve is one lucky guy to be joining a family so special and to have Jean has his wife. Their love for each other shined throughout the whole day! I am so glad that I got to witness their day!! I didn't think I could afford to go up there but God made it happen!!

I love spending time with Jean & Crystal they refresh my photography brain and encourage me to learn more. They are my teachers! Crystal and I got to go back to where it all began, Turners Falls, MA and remember the Hallmark days! I got to see my landlords and it was cool to be back at the placed I lived for ten months and really grew up! It's hard to believe it was five years ago that I signed that wall in the basement and now here I am! I am so blessed with the opportunities and experiences that I have got to be apart of. The Lord has really shown me a lot in the past five years and my love for him as grown through each struggle, stress, happiness, and with each laugh and tear it has been so worthwhile!! :)

Crystal and I got to drive all over New England! We started out in Hartford, CT. Stayed in Vermont and traveled up to Portsmouth NH (which do not have good signs for highways at all!! Spent an hour circling to find the highway we needed!). They we headed up coast and Kittery, Maine and York, Maine where we got walk on the beach and best of all got to swing while the moon was coming over the ocean!! It was a beautiful to watch God's masterpiece at work! I love the ocean so much, the sound of the waves and the sand in your toes!! I love you, Lord and thanks so much for making this vacation happen! You know I need the rest and good old fashion friends to inspire, encourage, and laugh with! I love you, Lord!

I posted some photos from the trip so mainly tomorrow at work I can show the girls!!! :)

Humble Heart!

In humility humble your heart and soul. Humble yourself and God will lift you up. He has freed us and all we have to do is humble our hearts to the feet of the cross. Get on your knees and truly humble your heart. I have found out that when you drop to your knees and really talk with God it truly brings peace. Try it, and you will find out that when you truly give it all to God you will get the greatest peace. Decrease yourself and lower yourself before the one who created you! Its funny how hard it is to drop to you knees. We so think we can handle it on our own and besides getting on your knees just sounds dumb! Then I tried it and since then I sometimes still find it tough to truly humble myself but when I do I get this greatest since of comfort in knowing that Christ really has in under control.

He knows what is happening tomorrow. He knows what will happen in ten seconds from now. He holds life in his hands and he knows when we will die, but in the mean time we need to be alive in Christ. We should make fools of ourselves for Christ! If you want to dance, dance. If you want to sing, sing. If you want to jump up and down and go crazy, Go For IT! We are young in spirit no matter how old we are. It is ok to be silly and have fun with life. While you are going crazy, do it for Jesus! Whatever you are doing with your life do it for the Jesus! Life's meaning is wrapped in Christ and therefore our lives should show that!! Life may throw you curve balls and seem insane and guess what we might lose some of our battles, but who cares! God is the winner. We might feel like losers, but guess what when we give it all to the Lord, He is the winner and therefore, we are the winners.

Expecting More!

Lately I've been hearing about Pray Big! So I'm giving it a try and so far no results from praying big, but I have been getting more confident in the fact that when I pray big I will get big answers, it might not be the answers I want, but I know and trust in the fact that God is bigger and He is at work. The history has proven over and over again, that God has a bigger plan in store for us. He has this divine work that He is working in each and everyone of us. Lately it seems that I have been getting one more thing to add to my prayer list that I think God is really sick of hearing from me. I'm getting sick of giving him bad news when I know he already knows the outcome. I need to trust in the fact that He has it all under control!!! He has the answers in his hands. As I just wrote that I looked down at my desk and saw the photo of Mason in Mike's hands(which is above), and that is how God sees us. We are so tiny, but he has us in his hand to where we can feel secure and loved. That brought tears to my eyes because right now Mike is having tests done because they found a mass on his kidney and it could be cancerous. Please pray, He just got to meet his beautiful son and now this news and please pray for Deborah that she can be encouraged and strengthened to be there for Mike. I am so sick of cancer!!!! :)

Clouded Head!

I've come to realize that when my brain is in overload, I shut down...everything around me seems like a blur and I can't see. It takes a few days or sometimes weeks for me to see through the fog, well I am finally seeing through the fog. It started the week of the Beth Moore conference when I when I found out a really awesome friend of mine has cancer and then the conference just put my head in overload and it took me awhile to understand, but because of it I am stronger and digging into scripture like I never had before and am finding out amazing stuff.

Here are some of my notes from the conference and some of my own in site as I go through them! :)

There were six statements that Beth Moore went through...

1. Man was created in the image of God
2. The fall of man distorted the image of God, but failed to destroy it
3. Christ IS the image of the invisible God
4. Christ incarnation was not only to redeem man. It was also to redeem the image of God in man.
5. Yielded to His Spirit redeemed man increasingly emanates the image of God
6. The purpose of man's existantance will be complete when he beholds the unveiled image of God.

First off we have to start with Imago Dai which is by definition "image of God" applied uniquely to humans, which denotes the symbolical relation between God and humanity. Genesis 1:27 "God created man in his own image." This totally thrilled and scared me because if we are the image of God and He created us in His image, man I need to get my act together!! :) God is seriously the best artist I've ever known. I mean look at what he created. There is no way all of this could have just appeared. He took his time and he created every fiber of this world and then He created us!! Instead of just saying "let there be human" He took his time and created and sculpted us into His image, and then He actually breathed life into us. His breath made us who we are. He is in us! Just think on that a moment...

He is in us!!! This was God's plan and you know he thought it through! God has a purpose! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 We may have fallen short, but God ultimately has it figured it out. Yea sometimes we wonder around confused, but God has the plan and will put us on that path we need to be going in order to fulfill His plan. No matter how hard anyone tries they cannot destroy God's image. They just can't because fact is He created us in His image and we can't change that!

Christ Is the image of the invisible God: Colossaians 1:15(the Message) "We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank of angels-everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it together right up to this moment." You see Jesus was here before it all began because He is God! He knew when He came into this world, He was here to fix it!! He knows we are corrupted and need a Savior. We all have these god images and idols that we hold onto in our lives. I know I sometimes hold onto these things like TV and what people think of me and sometimes they become all I think about. I want to lose myself in a show because I don't want to face reality and in doing so that becomes an idol. Yea, I don't bow down to it, but it does take my time away from making the one who created me famous and takes away my time from studying his word. Isaiah 40:18 "To whom, then will you compare God? What image will compare him to?" What image do you have of God? How do you picture Him? This was a weird concept to me. I don't think I ever sat down and really thought of this. How do I perceive God? Is he this mean guy up in Heaven treating us like puppets or is He this great guy up in Heaven who loves and dotes on us and wants us to have this wonderful relationship with us? He loves us. God is LOVE!!

Hebrews 1 (the Message) "Recently he spoke to us directly through his Son. By his Son, God created the world in the beginning, and it will belong to the Son at the end. This Son perfectly mirrors God, and is stamped with God's nature. He holds everything together by what he says-powerful words!" Jesus is our example for what God is like. Recently I have been studying Jesus The One and Only by Beth Moore, and then at the conference when she said this I thought back to the study and it made me think. God is amazing!! Jesus is amazing!! Jesus loved every one and was always there for anyone who needed him, from the homeless, sick, adulteresses, sinners, everyone! Writing this brings tears to my eyes because Jesus is my best friend! He is always there with comforting and encouraging words. He never puts me down, he laughs at me and with me! If Jesus is the image of the invisible God I cannot wait to someday meet Him!!! Study Luke and you will see Jesus is AMAZING!!!

People ask why did Jesus come as a man? This was an awesome concept as well. Jesus had to be man because we were in God's image. Jesus knew He was sent here to die on a cross because we needed a Savior. We needed someone to take away our disgusting sins and bring back our image. We needed the perfect invisible image of God to come down on earth in man form to save us. And Guess what? Jesus did just that!! He rescued us and when he rescued us we were given the image of God back by the Holy Spirit. Now there is no locked door that can keep Him out!! No matter how destroyed we feel or how insecure or inadequate nothing can keep Him out and He will keep knocking and knocking until that one day you open the door and say "Ok God, I'm ready" and that day will change your entire life. He will knock your socks off! It won't be easy and most of your questions won't be answered until that day at the pearly gate but He will work wonders in your life. When you are in despair He will encourage you. When you feel the tears coming He will wipe them away. When you feel the anger coming on He will listen and when your done will say "Ok, now let's fix it." God loves you so deal with it! :) That was said by the worship leader and I loved it so I wrote it down!

When Jesus died on the cross He unveiled our veiled faces! Ephesians 4:22-24 "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" He took on our sins and gave us new life! When we give our lives over to Christ we are new people. We say goodbye to our old selves and hello to this new life with the grace of God. You see God forgives when we ask and truly believe in our hearts that we are forgiven! That is amazing peace feeling. Words cannot describe it! God forgives no matter what sin or where we are in our lives, He loves us and wants us to be happy. Sometimes being a Christian feels like nothing goes right because Satan is trying to bring us down, but if we stand up and tell him to shut up and look up to the one who gives us peace, you will be amazed at how strong you really are with God by your side. He is by your side all day and all night! He loves us and give us hope!

This is just some of the incite I've had from the conference and in the past few weeks. It feels really good to go through my notes and study and really reflect what I learned that weekend and remembering standing there praying with my Grandma I'm getting teary eyed remembering that moment because that moment was totally a God moment! I'm so glad I got to go to this conference and then go through the fog afterwards because going through the fog has made me see what I really learned and a reminder of who God really is! My best friend and the one I want to make famous!! :)

Trust and Look Up!

Ok so it is time for me finally blog about my weekend with my Grandma at the Beth Moore conference. It was a very emotional and eye awakening experience. If you have ever been to a Beth Moore conference or have heard her speak, she is very much a very talented teacher. I never really understood the study of Greek and how it relates to the bible, but she opened my eyes to a different viewpoint and now I really want to understand it better. I want to go for it. I want to know what God is truly saying when I read his word. I want my heart to open up and get revelation and spring forth to what He wants to share with me. She spoke on Imago Dai (which means Image of God) and how we were made in His image. How he created us to perfection. I got to talk to a friend of mine who just had a natural birth and I asked her "What was that like?" and she said "It is amazing how God made our bodies to just take over and do what it was meant to do." You see God knows what he is doing. He has a plan and though we sometimes don't see it or understand it, it is His plan! Even when we are sitting there with your heart completely open and giving it all to him, cause you've had enough. This past couple of months it seems like I have been getting one bad news after another, and they just seem to get worse and worse until you get to think "God, seriously when is enough enough?" God's answer is "I'm enough, Trust me I will give you the strength to get through this trial, I will dry your tears when you think they can't stop flowing. I’m enough, I will get you through this and you are not alone, I'm am right next to you thinking of you. Yes, dear one, I'm thinking of you right now in this moment, you are mine, I created you for a purpose, I love you, and I know you are hurting right now, but I'm listening ready to take your fears, worries, and make them into something glorious. Trust me"

Lift your eyes up when you feel you can't lift you head. When you feel like thunder and lightening are pouring down on you, Look up!

Getting Pulled Over….

Today I was driving by someone that just got pulled over and I couldn't help but wonder why did that cop choose her. I mean come on, we all know on the highway there are thousands of us speeding so why did that cop choose that lady out of everyone. Then I got to thinking why did God choose me? There are thousands/millions/billions of people in this whole wide world and yet He still chose me? Have you ever thought that? Why God? I mean I’m so low on the totem pole, I'm just your average girl who tries to live her life the best way I can, and I mess up a lot. Yet, God chose me!! He thinks about me. He is jealous for me. He wants me to be his image-bearer. But that is not the best news…. He chose you as well…whoever is reading this right now God is thinking of you and loving you! This weekend has been a very emotional weekend. But I will write more on that later, lets just say for a girl who usually keeps her emotions in check lost it this weekend! :) Major tear fest! :) I love you, Lord, and again Thanks for the reminder of your plan and that you are in control!!

Agents for Christ

I was once dead in my sin, but Christ gave me life! I needed rescue! Before Christ I was nothing and I now have a savior in him! He is my restorer and rescuer! I want him to be in the center of my life. Truth…does this always happen. No, for you see “There is no one righteous, not even one” Romans 3:10 I am one of those. I’m a sinner and sometimes my heart runs away, but even though I forget to sometimes look up and see my rescuer, He is still there watching over me waiting for my eyes and heart to open again to see him. He never leaves me. Even when I sometimes feel like the seed that fell among the thorns, who hears and knows the word of the Lord, but gets choked up with life’s worries, riches, fears and pleasures Jesus is there to rescue and bring me to my knees and realize he gave the ultimate sacrifice and wants me to just LOOK UP and place my trust in him. To realize He loves and wants to give me all the treasures in the world.

He wants us to do something. He wants us to move into action. Isaiah 58:6 says it all. Read it and then read Romans 3:22-24. It’s simple He wants us to help those who need help and to share His word with the world. He wants us to be the light not the darkness. He wants us to move, not to just sit, but to move into action. He wants the world to not only see and understand his sacrifice, but to put that sacrifice in our hearts!

My goal is for the world (friends, co-workers, family everyone I meet) to see the Lord’s light in my heart! Am I going to be a speaker, a singer, a pastor, a writer, a missionary, a leader, probably not, but I can be a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a co-worker. The Lord wants us to be a light and to shine brightly like the sun for his presence. It’s not an easy road, but with the Lord’s grace and mercy we can all take a stand and say “Yes” to the Lord’s will. He holds the future in his hands all we have to do is trust in him and he will be there. “Here I am” says the Lord.

Life is to Short!! Enjoy it!!

"I believe Christ had a warm smile and a great sense of humor" I just read this from the book Jesus, The One and Only by Beth Moore If you think about it, this has to be true! Luke 2:52 says "Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." Why do you think people were drawn to Jesus, Yes he was God's son, but he also had to have this amazing personality that drew people to him. I know I love nothing more than when someone makes me laugh and sometimes when I'm sitting in the car coming home from work, and God and I are talking, I sometimes find myself laughing at our conversation. God gave me this weird quirky sense of humor and I know he is up in Heaven laughing at me. I mean come on, he made me blonde for a reason!! He knew I would need a good excuse for how I act sometimes! Can you imagine being back in Jesus's time and actually getting to sit next to him and hear him talk. talk about the ultimate preacher!! :) I sometimes place myself in those times and wonder what kind of conversations would we have.

Today has been crazy...a co-worker of mine is about to lose her sister in-law whom she was pretty close to and another co-worker of mine might be losing her cousin. Life is way to short!! It makes you put things in perspective and realize you really gotta live life to fullest and for me that means making Jesus famous and that is my ultimate goal for my life! If anyone reads this please keep Debbie's family in your prayers and mica's as well! Good Night world!

Ramdom Thoughts throughout the week :)

Ok ladies and gentlemen!! I know through most of the blogs that I have wrote I seem upbeat and happy go lucky girl. Well for the most part that is true, but there are some days that I hide what is underneath very well. This past weekend I have felt so alone and empty and I had no idea what was going on. I was just sad and I had no idea why. I hate when I feel that way, because if I new the reason then I could fix it. The not knowing why just got me more discouraged and and instead of going straight to the one who can help and rescue I went to Friends (the show) and Big Bang Theory and reading non fiction books that end in happily ever afters. None of that seemed to help, and I didn't know what to read in the bible so I would just open and start reading, but that got me no where.

I just felt broken and exhausted so I tried and dug deeper and kept asking God why am I feeling this way and then on Monday as I was coming home from my parents Psalms 27 came into my mind and one of my favorite verses is Psalms 27:14 "Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take hold, Wait for the Lord" But I forgot what was before that. So as soon as I got home I opened it up and it said what I needed to hear and the root of my problems. Loneliness…I just wanted someone to talk to, give me a hug tell me everything is going to be ok, and some days I feel like I have no one even though I know I have friends, but I don't want to burden them with my single dreariness. Sometimes, it gets old even for me to think about it. When I read these verses and as David said to the Lord, "Do not hide your face from me." I felt like sometimes I ask God that too. Lord, I know I'm discouraged, but please don't hide from me, I know you are there and my helper, help me see the goodness that will come from this." I know the Lord placed Psalms 27 on my heart to remind me that I am not alone and it is ok to have despair, but to remember who will help me overcome it is the Lord, Jesus Christ. :)

Ok so I have the urge to write. This concept of writing has been a eye awakening for me. I love it! I'm not that great it, but I love it. It's so much to write my thoughts and put them out there and not care if people read them or if they do I hope it is an encouragement! As of lately, I'm just a girl who loves to write! I remember when I was little I wanted to be an author, and then I wanted to be a teacher, and then I was introduced to the camera, and now I'm back to writing. Who would have thought. I blame my mom she was the one who recently started journaling and I've always wrote in journals, but since she started I've gotten into it more and then Angie introduced me to blogspot! Then it went downhill from there! I feel so much better after write and get on my thoughts on computer.

This morning I woke up and had the urge to praise! So all the way to work I just listened to joyfm and sang my little heart out! I love just listening to the words of the songs and letting them land on my heart. It amazes me how God uses music to touch souls. This weeks main goal and mission has been to "let it go and hand it over to God" I'm giving him control over my life. I mean I always have, but I think I forgot to give him some stuff so I just gave it all!! :) I'm the batter up at the plate and he is the pitcher controlling the game and I'm going to let him pitch a shutout game!! I'm going to let him control the game called life.

I miss baseball!! I miss what baseball used to mean to me. It meant being with friends I love and watching the game that never changes. Yes, the players change, but the game never changes. We however have gotten older and lives changed and we barely talk to each other anymore, but I'm so glad I have that friendship because even though we don't talk all that often when we do get together its like we never have changed.

Lord, I sit here bored at work and I wonder what the future hold. Whatever it holds, I lay it at your feet! There is one song that has been on my heart since the days of church camp "Father, I adore you, I lay my life before you." That is my motto for my life. I love you, Lord and I want my life to make your name famous!! Whatever your will is, let it be done. Amen!

Jesus, the One and Only!!

Ok I'm starting a new study by Beth Moore called..."Jesus the One and Only" and I'm super excited to dig into Luke and walk through the days of Jesus. This morning I just finished Part 1 which is all about the birth of Jesus and John. I loved reading the story of how when Mary found out she was going to have the Messiah the angel told her about Elizabeth and Mary headed straight for her house. Just goes to show God knew what he was doing. He knew that Mary would need someone on her side. Someone who knew what she was going through. God still does that. He places people in our lives who understand us and who want to help us and encourage us. That is what Elizabeth did!

I love how Beth wrote about the first night with Mary holding her baby in her arms. She wrote a description of that night that ripped my heart. Here was this young girl who didn't know the first thing about babies holding the Messiah in her arms and who was probably scared to death. But she knew God had it all planned and was by her side through it all. I can't imagine what that must have felt like. Knowing you were holding the one who was going to rescue us all. Scared, because you had no idea what you were doing. You were just about 13 or 14 years old what did you know about raising a baby. Luckily she had a husband who believed and was by her side the whole time. It just amazes me that God put his son, his only son, into the arms of someone so common as Mary and Joseph. He had a plan bigger than they could ever of imagined.

I can't wait to see what's next on our journey...OK I know what's next but to experience it with my eyes open and heart digging into my imagination and picturing what it would have been like during those times. I love taking God's word and stepping my feet into that time period and wonder what it must have felt like to go through that experience. My mom gave me this idea a while back and since then it has opened my eyes to some pretty incredible events!! I got to picture what it would have been like for Joseph (in Genesis) to be put into prison and then rescued because he could predict the future and placed in a high standing and got to see his family again, to Moses save the lives of his people, to David and Jonathan, to Esther and Ruth, leading up to most wonderful story of all Jesus!!!

I love you Lord!!

Crazy boredom at work!!

I am sitting here at work bored, I hate days like this. I miss the days when we were so crazy busy my brain was fried at the end of the day now its bored by the end of the day and then I have to head to Payless where shoes scream at me for four hours! These twelve hour days are starting to wear on me, but I'm loving the extra paycheck!! Because of that I get to finally get my Mac computer. It's a used one, but it’s a MAC!!! Therefore, I can finally use my Photoshop CS software that I've had since 2005. Then in a few months I will have saved up some extra cash so I can get an upgrade either that or I'm thinking of getting aperture or lightroom. I haven't decided yet. I'm looking forward to getting back into a world that I somewhat love! I'm not very good at it, but by golly I'm going to improve!!! I'm thinking of taking a class this fall to refresh my memory on it. We shall see.

This morning I woke up from the most depressing dream, but yet a dream that was so true. It was a dream on my fear of failure and not living up to people's expectation. It was depressing and put me in an awful mood until I was sitting there pondering the dream, when I just said "God don't let this dream get to me, its not worth it, You have it all in control and I won't ever live up to my expectations, but I want to live up to yours. I know you will never let me down and I will let you down, I'm human, You're GOD! Therefore, I will let you down, but I promise Lord that I will not the devil succeed in getting me down, instead I will smile and get up and let you take care of the day. I lay it at your feet." Then I came to work and yes I'm bored, but I'm not down anymore. I still feel Satan trying to remind me of my fears, but I don't listen, instead I say "I trust you Lord." I have been doing that all day and it seems to be working.

Ok another thing, I'm being inspired by some friends of mine who are doing this extreme diet and exercise thing, and I'm trying to reconstruct my brain into eating healthier and exercising so far this week I've got the eating part right but because of both jobs and not getting home until 10 and having to get up at 6:30 I haven't had the motivation to work out yet. I thought of waking up at 6 and walking around the block before getting ready for work, just haven't done it yet. A couple of months ago I went to the gym every day for two weeks and ate perfect and felt great and lost 4 pounds in one week. I hate that I let myself go and gain it all back. I felt so great after those two weeks. So I'm changing the way I think and I am going to try and reconstruct myself body and soul. I got a new book by Beth Moore called Jesus and I'm going to study the life of Jesus and motivate my body to have more energy! :) Wish me luck.

This past week I haven't been reading the bible as much as I usually do which I think also got me down because I so want to read and get inspired, but I have dumb excuses, like I need sleep or I just want to close my mind off and watch Friends. Does anyone know of a good bible study that is going on?

Yesterday I was watching How I Met Your Mother and it was the one where Ted bought a house because he was sick of the universe not bringing things in his order. He thought he should get married, then buy a house, and then have kids. Then he decided that is a dumb plan, I'll just go ahead and buy a home! I used to think this was suppose to be the order of things. But like Ted, Mel and I got our own home and its awesome. So far I love being a homeowner. I love coming home to a garage that as soon as we get the trash from moving out of it we can pull into. I love walking into the kitchen and sitting on the new couch!! :) I can't say this enough how much the Lord has blessed me and how much I am grateful!! :) I know people are probably tired of hearing me say that, but its so true. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the Lord playing out of my order and playing by his order of the way he wants my life to go. He is in control! :)

God is our pilot

Yesterday, we were driving home from the Hillsong Concert and we drove past the airport and this thought came to mind as I saw a plane landing on the runway. How many people on the plane are believers? It amazes me how easy people trust their pilot, but have difficult trusting in a God who saves. When you step onto that plane you are placing your trust into a complete stranger who you don't see. You hear them(once you turn your iPod down), but you can't see them. Just like God, if you listen you can hear him. We can't see God in person but I know that he is there. Just look outside at the big blue sky and the flowers that are blooming all over the place. That is God bringing his love to life. And when you are standing in the most beautiful theatre and close your eyes and hear hundreds of people praising the Lord, and you feel this immediate peace… that is not the music, the people, or the surroundings. that is God!!! You can see God in answered prayers whether they are to save a person's life or in praying to open your hearts to the things that are unseen in your lives, that need changing and watching those changes come to life. You can see God in a laugh between friends, a look between two people who were made for each other, or a smile through a complete stranger. God is with us, loving us every waking moment!! :)

Blessed and Humbled!!!

Today, I sit here on my couch in the apartment feeling overwhelmed with blessings and humbled by the grace of God! This week has been a whirlwind of excitement and craziness. It has also been filled with lots of love and laughter. I have had towork through most of this moving process which is kinda sad, but I am extremely blessed that I have great friends and family who are working hard and helping us paint and get the house together. God amazes me with every waking breath.

This past week a girl named Megan has been on heart and mainly because she needs a heart. They gave a mechanical heart that will last up until Tuesday, and if they cannot find a heart for her by then well...it doesn't look good. I have never met this girl, but her story is touching the lives of many. She has been handling this situation with her trust in the Lord. She knows that He has complete control and is trusting in that fact! My heart goes out to her family and friends and if anyone reads this please keep Megan in your heart!!!!

God is the ultimate Extreme Makeover Host!!

Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord builds it, it is worthless. It's like Field of Dreams. "If you build it they will come." So we need to let the Lord build in us who we are are and then blessings will come from him. We just have to let him work through us! It is when we try to build our lives for what we think it should it be that we start to crumble. Jesus came as a carpenter's son which I think is symbolic because He is now our Carpenter. He is the one who is building us into the men and woman he wants us to be. He is hammering away at our souls until it is absolutely perfect. :)

Easter Sunday :)

Many people ask me why Easter is my favorite holiday. To me Easter is the day my life changed forever. Easter is a day of renewal, strength, and it is magical. God sent his innocent son down here on earth to pay the price for all evil. Jesus gave up his life for for the sinner. Jesus loved us so much that he conquered evil. He showed the devil where the door was and gave new meaning to the word LOVE! HE IS LOVE!!

Easter to me is also a time to reflect how blessed I am. It's a time to remember an eleven year old girl dressed in her Easter dress who went to service knowing that Sunday would change her life forever. I do not remember what Brother Rick spoke that day, but I remember looking over at my Grandma and saying "Yes" She took my hand and we walked to the alter and with tears in her eyes we prayed together and on that day I gave my life to the Lord. I had no idea that seventeen years later Jesus and the Cross would still change my life everyday.

The Cross holds the magic. We celebrate what the Cross means and we celebrate the one who loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son and who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.(John 3:16) In the words of Jesus "It is finished" Jesus finished it for us. It is done! Jesus paid our debt that we could have life and with that we could have freedom of knowing Jesus and his love for us!

Winks from God...

This thought was given to me by my old boss, John today whom I miss his Godly advise!!. God gives us winks to let us know that he is here with us. When he said this it was an interesting concept. God winking at us to let us know he is still here. This is so true! It got me thinking of what ways God has winked at me in my life. I can think of quite a few, and for example on of them goes all the way back to first grade when this girl Crystal was in my class and then we became what I call "hi buddy" where you just say Hi to each other when you see them in the hallways and that's it. This went on until middle school. I think that was God giving me a wink saying hey you know what... you will still be friends with her when your about to turn 28! and also that year Crystal met Nikki who is still her best friend and in middle school become one of my good friends as well and then I met angie and jen and so on because God knew we would all need to be friends to get us through some horrible and wonderful times in our lives.

I also think God likes to give us winks just because he can, because he is GOD!!! He is all power and love and can do whatever he wants. And he chooses to love us and because he loves us he will show us which roads to take and then he leaves the rest up to us. We have the choice to see the cross in the road and we get to make the decision of which way to go. Sometimes we choose the wrong one and God will "recalculate" and give us different road to take. He will give us detours throughout our whole lives to reach the goal he has for us!

I blame Cinderella....

I blame Cinderella and all her other friends, Belle, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Arial. Why do I blame them? Well because ever since I was about five years old Cinderella has been my favorite movie, and still is, but it was that movie that first put into my head "I want to be a princess and soon my prince charming will rescue me" It was that mentality that I placed my prince charming on a pedestal and have left him there. I know that my standards are really high up there and that I should lower them a little, but truth is I know that when I meet my prince charming I will know instantly! I know that sounds crazy, but I believe that God already knows who he is and that he has brought me up knowing that he is out there somewhere. We are just not ready to meet yet because God is still working in our lives to prepare us for that next step. It's weird but sometimes I get this crazy feeling in my heart to pray for my future husband and I know that is God telling me "hey your guy need some prayer" and I hope that when I meet my future husband he has been praying for me as well.

Ok back to my blaming the princesses!! These fairytale stories that almost all girls fell in love with when we were little have made us crazy! They taught us that you can find your prince charming in one day and fall in love and live happily ever after. Well they forgot one thing! That this method is wrong!!!!!! I do believe in love at first sight, but I believe you also have to work and fight for that love at first sight to stay there until death do you part. They make you think when you are five years that it will be easy to find that prince charming, they forget to mention you might have to wait until your late twenties, thirties, or even older to find that prince! So for the next future generation growing up with these fairytales, let your daughters in on that little secret. This is a fairytale, and that life does not work out that great!!! :)

God's Splendor

"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him, strength and glory are in his sanctuary." Psalm 96:4-6

God made the heavens!!!! That still amazes me that at one point there was nothing and then God just spoke and the stars in heaven were created and then he spoke again and then there was light and then he spoke again and he created us. God created us!! That amazes me. God, I am in awe of you tonight. You give me strength when I need it most and you love me so much, and I can't believe how much you love someone so unworthy, but I thank you and I hope everyone on this planet knows somewhere deep down in their hearts that you are their creator and put them on this planet for a purpose. I sometimes find it hard to think that there are people out there who do not know you, but I know there are and pray that Lord, you put someone in their lives to show them your great love. A love that is unlike anything anyone will ever experience. I pray Lord that you give us all strength to face the nightmares of this world, and I pray that you let us enjoy the little moments in life. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen

Spring is in the air!!!

I had a wonderful day!! I am truely blessed. God has done so much for me lately I feel like my heart is going to explode!! Work is going great and I got a part-time job at Payless to earn some extra cash. Our offer was excepted for the house and my sister and I are now Homeowners!! I can't believe how wonderful God is!! I love you Lord. Today I was at wal-mart and saw these awesome flowers that are going to inspire my new room decor!! :)

Beauty beyond belief

God made this whole world and it amazes me every day just how everything works together for God's purpose! Today I got to spend a little time underground in a cave and see God's beauty at work. Its amazing to see what can happen under the earth with God at work. He work is amazing and glorious! He knows what he's doing. When I was down in the cave with some great friends, I was reminded that if God can do this underground, imagine what he can do with our lives. :)

God is...

AMAZING
BEAUTIFUL
GLORIOUS
SPLENDOR
MAGICAL
INSPIRING

AND SO MANY OTHER WORDS!!

Thank You, Lord

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." Psalm 51:1-2

Have you ever noticed that when you sin, you get this almost immediate since of guilt? Well today I'm thanking God for that guilt because without that guilt how would we know what we are doing is wrong. We get this sick feeling because we so want God to be proud of us and love us for who we are, but when we sin, we automatically think God hates us. We could all day or week and feel loved and blessed and full of grace, but them bam...we sin...and God hates us. Why is that? Because that day or full week that we felt blessed and loved God already knew what the future held, and the fact that we were going to sin. He loves us so much, that is why he gave us his son. Jesus took our guilt and pain and left it at the cross! We were born sinners and we are going to sin every day of our lives, but God already knows that and guess what? HE LOVES US ANYWAY!!!!!!! His love is so deep that he fights for you. He doesn't want us to have the sick guilt feeling. He wants us to be filled with grace and mercy. We should be thankful that Jesus died on the cross for us. He wants us to be guilt free! But we know that we are sinners and are going to be leaving our transgressions at the feet of the cross and every day renewing ourselves with the fact that God loves us, He hates our sin, BUT HE LOVES US!!

He already knows we are not perfect in any way shape or form. He knows that the devil is fighting us along with him. That is why we have free will. He wants us to always choose HIM!!! I choose him every morning!!!

I love you, Lord and thank you so much for showing up this morning and renewing my spirit and my soul. You are my father and I love you so much that sometimes I have no words! Your beauty is shining today with a gorgeous sunny day. I know that you are going to arrive today and shine on us. Again, I love you and thank you! In Jesus name, Amen.

If God is with us who can stand against us?

That is the question of the day, and the answer is easy. Nothing or no one can stand in God's way. He knows what the future holds and we have the decision to either simply stand still and watch it go by, or we can stand up and walk, run, skip and jump and enjoy every moment! God doesn't want us to stand still, he wants us to jump! Sometimes the leap is hard because we don't know where it leads, but with God there to catch us its so worth the chance of true happiness! Some jumps are really big like jobs, kids, marriage, buying a house and other jumps are like jumping in a very small puddle, but the impact will last a lifetime like saying hello to a complete stranger who might someday become your best friend. Or just helping someone with their groceries or holding a door open for someone. Or by making someone laugh because you both jump in that puddle together and feel like kids again. It is sometimes the simple things in life that make it worth living.

God amazes me everyday by just showing up. I try every morning when I first wake up to say "Good Morning God, whats in store for us today?" I find that when I start my morning off right with a good conversation with God, my day goes smoothly and life is grand! It's those weird days that I forget to take those special moments that my brain gets confused on what to focus on. I take control of the steering wheel and get out of control. So my little message for the day is take it slow and say Good Morning to God and see what that does for your day!! :)

Laughter truely is the best medicine!

People are put into our lives for many reasons. Some are put in our lives to challenge us, to encourage us, to teach us, and my favorite, some are put in our lives to make us laugh. There is nothing more that I love than sitting with friends and laughing, sometimes for no reason at all, but just to laugh. Those are the types of people we should always keep in our lives. So for all those who make me laugh, THANKS!!!

Saying No to Insecurity!

Fear + Future = stress
Fear + Future + God = Security

“[She] will have no fear of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. [Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on her foes.” Psalm 112: 7-8

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come” Proverbs 31:25

The future intimidates us. When we think of the future there is so many “what if” scenarios that we sometimes let our minds wonder and that can sometimes cause stress and fear that does not need to be there. When we trust in our Lord Jesus Christ and place our futures into hands and know in our hearts that he has the control life will not be perfect but you will be happier. We sometimes think we can’t handle the worst of our fears but Beth Moore gave us an idea…. Take your worst fear and play it all the way out in your mind for example I’ll give you one of mine….

Being single forever. This is one of my biggest fears… so I let it play out in my head. What would happen if I never found my perfect love and never had that Cinderella wedding I dream of someday having? To go even further, what if I never get that perfect first kiss?? I mean God come on seriously??? Hehe So I let my head wonder…. And you know what I found out. Life wouldn’t be any different than it is today, and I will be just as content as I am right now. I love being single although sometimes lonely, its fun! I get to do crazy and wonderful things. I get to travel and meet all kinds of people. I look at Paul’s life and his life was amazing! And the best thing is I’ve truly already found the perfect love…Jesus Christ!!! It doesn’t get any more perfect than that! I’m not going to lie, I want to get married and have a family, but right now my main focus is to not let that take away my insecurity. Being single you have a lot of dumb stuff that goes through your mind that makes you insecure, much like married women, ours are just different. Like…

I must be ugly
My personality must be that of a snail…boring!
What is about me that repels men?

See many of these awful things cross your minds, but I’m telling you these thoughts cannot own you (me)…. Want to know why? Because we are clothed with strength and dignity because God gave us this amazing secure heart that is ours for the taking we just have to grab it. This past week I’ve been testing this advice in Beth Moore’s book and wow oh wow can I see a difference in only a week. My prayer is that I can take this advice and hold onto it!! My security is for me to take and hold onto. No one can take it away and when I feel that it is starting to come back to tell my heart to trust in GOD and keep reminding myself over and over again.

Again, if you haven’t got this book yet go and get it!! Everyone woman should read this book. I pray that God can use this book to touch lives for women all over the world. I’m sad to say that I am done with this book, but my blogging days are not over because I think I’m a little addicted to blogging. I know no one reads these but its fun to get my thoughts out there in the world so they don’t get stuck in my head….they need out!

Math?????

Almost everyone who knows me knows that I am horrible at math, but this quote from Beth Moore just goes to show another way I'm really horrible at math...

"It's our insecurity that makes us so poor at math. It constantly leads us to draw wrong conclusions. If security says 2+2=4, insecurity says 2+2=9. In other words, she is this + I am that = I'm a loser. Or just as often we might come to the opposite conclusion: she is this + I am that = she's a loser. The insecurity equation can play out any number way of ways. Consider a few others...
I tried to talk to her + she seemed really distracted = she hates me
She's really gorgeous + she gets a lot attention that I don't = she must be conceited
She's got this + she's got that = I've got nothing
Look what she's got on + look what I've got on = I have the fashion taste of tsetse fly."

I've thought this way a thousand times!! Sad, but true. It amazes me how much we really do have this inner conflict in our hearts. We sometimes think we have it all together and then we meet someone who we think has more and our hearts crumble in a moment. When in reality we have no idea what that other person is going through. On the outside they might seem they have it all together, but if we dig deeper we might see this inner turmoil that she is having. Us women have to stick together, not judge and criticize. We need to look to each other for support and encouragement. God made girlfriends for just that reason in mind. He wants us to have women we can talk to in times of need and when we feel the lowest of the lowest who will build us up and give us Godly words of encouragement.

Photography is one of the most competitive fields out there because there are so many wonderful photographers. I sometimes look at other photographers websites, and I get discouraged because their photos are so much better than mine, and I think that is what has been holding me back all these years. God gave me this amazing talent that I should not be wasting it so with this thought in mind. I've given God my insecurity in this part of my heart!! I'm going to trust God with my talent and strive to be the photographer he wants me to be, because I AM A PHOTOGRAPHER!!!!! :) ( also some wonderful women give me such encouragment in the part of my life that I wouldn't have come to this conclusion without them, another reason we need girlfriends! :)

Women all over the world need to stop judging, competing, and whatever else and start looking at each with our eyes and hearts wide open because the woman sitting, jogging, behind you in the supermarket, or working next to you who you think has it all together, but is really in need of some serious God loving girl talk. I'm not saying go talk to her, but pray for her right there in that moment you feel yourself start to say, man I wish I were that skinny or man she must be stuck up, instead pray for her and lift her up in your mind because her heart might be falling apart. God made us Lovely in his image and we are clothed with strength and dignity!!! He made us in his image and we are his treasures so really why are we insecure.

Another quote from Beth Moore, I only have three more chapters, but I might have to read again!! :)

God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4

"Did you hear that? We have this treasure!! We are aflame with God's glory and radiating with the light of His knowledge in the exquisite face of His Son, JESUS CHRIST. And we're insecure???????" Beth Moore

Life is Better in a Ponytail!

If you have ever had long hair then you know that life is so much better when you go all day at work and your hair is down and your wearing make up and looking nice, but nothing is better than getting home putting on a great pair of pjs and putting your hair up in a ponytail. It just feels so great!

I think that is all for today! Only that I would have not gotten through today without my living savior!! Thank you God!

I AM FREE!!!

"Do Not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36 "Throw on your God-Given dignity. Walk with your head up in your God Given Security" Beth Moore Only God can give me strength and dignity. It is a 11:00pm on a Thursday night and I cannot sleep because my brain is in overload at how much I didn't trust God to make me secure. I thought I had to change who I am and be secure in myself but forgot that God has given me security and I just have to take it. Its mine for the taking!! God wants me to be secure in Him and trust in his purpose for my life. That also means I need to start walking the walk with my head held high and know that I'm going to mess up, embarrass myself and look at other people's life and think they have it all together, but I don't have to own my insecurity. I have a choice and I can choose to not let it get me down and depressed, and it cannot define who I am. If I embarrass myself which I am so good at, I can laugh at it and God will be up in Heaven laughing with me and know that I am OK and trust God will turn it into something good. If I fail its because I think I failed, God thinks I'm perfect and sees my failures as a passage to something new. God has some new things in store for me and one of them is owning up to my insecurity and making a choice to saying "You cannot take or damage my security. It's mine to keep. You cannot have it. For my God says that I am clothed with strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25" He will give me the strength tomorrow to wake up to a new revival in my heart and security in my soul!! I love you, Lord so much and I thank you for everyone and every circumstance you have placed in my life for without those people and situations I would not be the woman you want me to be. This video I'm adding is just a little touch of humor and embarrassment on my behalf!! :)

Insecure, such an ugly word

Insecure is such an ugly word, but yet I'm realizing just how insecure I really am. Yesterday, I made it my goal to pay attention to how insecure I am. I realized I am insecure about everything!!!!! Even to the point when I was thinking of what to write on my facebook status. I was hoping that what I wrote would be profound enough that people would actually read it and when I put new photos I wanted people to comment because in my head if people commented that meant they liked them and I accomplished something. Then when I was reading other people's status I felt dumb because mine was not cool or funny like theirs. What is wrong with this picture???? I mean come who really cares. And then I started to feel insecure because no one texts me. Do my friends really not want to hear what I say? or is it because they think I'm to boring to even text to?

These are just a few of the insecurities I felt yesterday and they kept growing until this morning when reading chapter 7 I realized I'm not alone in my insecurities. We all have them, we just have to fight them. There is a God who loves us so much and has so much faith in us that we can overcome this thing called insecurity. He gives us a fighting chance!!! He knows what wonderful future he holds for us we just have to see past our insecurities and place them at the feet of the cross and trust in his fighting grace!!! His grace fights for us! He wants us happy and secure in the believe and trust we have in him. This give me courage to get off my butt and take the leap of faith and walk in his grace. I love you, Lord and thank you so much for this book and realizing that I can be secure in who I am. God made me just the way he wants me to be, I just have to wake up to my insecurity and fight to be secure!

I leave you this quote from Beth...

"God knows we're insecure. But we do not need to be. And He will not leave well enough alone. He has enough security for both of us, and for those of us who call Christ Savior, He slipped His own secure Spirit within our simple jars of clay. It is in you to be secure, dear one. Do you hear what I'm saying to you? You have it in you."

Rejection

I am a girl who is almost 28 years old and have never really dated, and I think that is because I have this since of fear of rejection. I have seen so many people hurt and scarred by this fear. I've seem them drown themselves in relationship after relationship just so they could feel loved. I've seen women who engross themselves in sex because they think that will bring them love. I've seen women, mainly myself, who drown themselves in romantic comedies and fantasies of that most incredible man that will come into their lives. I know that God has this most amazing God-filled man out there for me, and yet I continue to doubt that and lose myself in these stories that only end with heartache, mine. I think I've romanticized this relationship in my head that I know is doomed to fail, because it won't come true so I take the pressure off of reality and focus on imagination.

Why do I do this????? I don't know. I know God loves me and wants to see me happy and I think in order for this to happen I have to let go of my insecurities and doubts and trust in the one who holds my future in his hands.

I hold onto this job that I hate because I'm scared of what the real world will do to me if I leave. I fear that I will fail all those who love and inspire me. Wow it felt good to write that!!!! I'm scared of failure, as many of us are. So we let this fear engulf us into staying unhappy when in reality if we just let go and see where life leads us, we might actually be happy.

To end this blog I'm going to quote Beth Moore...

"The truth is, God uses change to change us. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny. I hate to display such a firm grasp of the obvious, but how will we ever change if everything around us stays the same? Or what will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn't happen to change the way we feel about where we are? God is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started in us (Philippians 1:6), and that process means one major thing: change.

I can't wait to see what changes God has in store for my life.

I am Chosen!

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:11-12

Truth in what we believe. I believe that each and everyone of us was born (predestined) for the glory of God. We were each created as individuals for the purpose of praising and serving God. We all have our own stories to tell. God wants us to live our life stories for His glory. So that when we walk down the street, hang out with friends, grocery shopping, working, whatever we are doing throughout our days we should take moments to praise our Father who is in Heaven watching and loving us. He wants to hear from us and remind us every waking moment that he is in control of our lifes.

Lately, I've been struggling with the idea that God wants to talk to me I always talk to him, but lately I started to question if he is listening, but through out this past year so far, I'm seeing him at work. Before we left for Passion 2010 I was praying for God to speak to us and show us what he wants us to do for him, and Passion 2010 blew me away. My friends came back on fire and ready to change their lifes and live with purpose of making Jesus famous!! I came back renewed and on fire for Christ, but since then I've felt my body and heart tearing apart and letting my thoughts run wild and doubting what brought that fire in the first place. It was the love and blood of Jesus!! He makes me what to live a better life and start my life new and fresh so I'm starting over!! I'm surrendering my brain and heart and trust to the one who gave me life!!

I need to be silent and listen. I struggle with that because I want to live in this world of make believe and tune out to watching TV. I need to learn to turn on the TV and just read and listen and hear what God wants me to hear. Today I bought the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and I am going to learn to turn off the TV and read and blog while I go through this book.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart my be enlighted in order that may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints. Ephesians 1:18