Saturday, February 26, 2011

God's Promises! :)

I woke up this morning in the mood to write and didn't think I would have time to but because Brenden wants to sleep in some more I got some time so I'm taking advantage of it!

Have you ever really wondered about God's plan? How it seems so messed up and insane! I was just reading Psalm 105 and it illistrates an outline of how God used Jacob and then Joseph and then Moses and how it came full circle to reveal God's plan. He used these men in powerful situations and for one purpose... To show His greatness and what He can do when we truly believe. He uses Joseph to help save many lives. He uses Moses to rescue the people fro Egypt. Now put yourself in their shoes for a moment...

WOW Scary emotions were probably running through them the whole time. They had the world telling them that they were worthless and couldn't do it. But God, well we all know He had a different plan. He uses these weak men to show His wonderful story of love and trust. If we trust in God He will prevail. He says to trust in His promises and he will show you His desires. His desires might not be what we think they are. He might surprise you with great joy or He might spring up sad moments to open our hearts and bring us back to him. He is full of surprises and I can't wait to see what the next surprise is because His surprises are way better than I could have ever imagined.

I love watching God work in crazy, sad, wonderful ways! I've often wondered why God doesn't use me more, or why I still wrestle with thoughts of worthlessness, because I know I am not worthless and that is Satan attacking me in my weak moments. He knows just where to get me too! But can I tell you a secret, sometimes I cave into those thoughts and it just pushes me down. I have been so busy lately which is my fault that I have let things slide, like spending time with God, reading his word, praising his name. Because I let these things slide Satan has used this against me telling me that I'm not the Christian I should be. Well Satan your right. I'm not the Christian I should be and guess what??? The Lord still loves me and cherishes me and we are growing in our relationship every day. He is always with me telling my heart to not listen to you, but to listen to my heart that tells me I a loved, and yea I should spend more time with the Lord, trust God lets me know this to, but in a way that is with love and grace. When I'm in the car listening to the radio, I still hear, turn the radio off and talk to me. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I turn the radio up louder. For that Lord, I am sorry. I know I need to be still and really listen. Help me to be still and rest in your love. God you show me every waking moment your wonderful grace!! I love you, Lord with all my heart and with all the strength that is in me!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

He is...

Lord, take me as I am.
A crazy selfish person in this human form you gave me.
Trust Him.
He is in control.
Make him famous.
He always keeps his promises.
Expect big things from him.
He will never disappoint.
He amazes.
He saves.
Be still and know that I am God.
He is strong when we are weak.
He will guide in the right direction.
He will never leave us.
We are never alone with Him in our hearts.
He is the Creator.
He is an artist.
He holds the future.
He makes us happy.
He knows our desires.
He will give us our desires.
HE LOVES US!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentines Day!! :)

I think I have pushed myself into my work and kept myself so busy because I hate this women I have become. All I do is work lately and lets face it I do need the money but at the same time I hate seeing myself pushed around and shoved because on my days off which happen to usually be Sundays I don't want to go to church because I just want a day to stay in my PJs and doing nothing, but then the guilt comes into play. Because I know I need to go to church that is where my foundation is, that is where part of my strength comes from. Being around other christians worshiping the same Jesus is one of the greatest feelings of my life. And then I have my friends who also play into the guilt factor and it just sucks. God says for us to rest, but do I rest at the expense of not getting my hungry soul fed. I listen to online sermons, which today's happened to make me cry, but I know I need to be with others and not alone. I hate that my church is to far away and I use that as an excuse, but the truth is and I hope no one really reads this today, is I want to find a church where I immediately feel at home at. I'm hoping the new church in O'Fallon will be just that. I'm so sick of this woman that I am and I want to change her. I want her to be more God focused and not rely on myself so much. I want to get out and really enjoy life and I can't do that if I keep pushing myself to the limit, but I don't know how to do that. I know I can't quit my job because I need the money to pay bills, but I really miss my weekends and weeknights.

God, please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm struggling here and I go through this struggle a lot. What do you want from me?? I know I'm in this great waiting period, but seriously!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so done!!! Lord you have given me so much to be blessed and thankful for and again here I am complaining. I hate feeling this wait and I hate complaining and worrying for one I know its a sin and I'm sorry so sorry. I want my life to begin and I want your plan for my life to finally surface because right now if this is your plan for my life, its ok, but not great!! I want to be loved and focused on you!!! I fully trust you with my life. Lord, give me strength to wake up every morning totally surrendered to your will, show me what that will is, guide and direct and build up my heart and soul to reassurence of your unfailing love. Help to realize you don't need me for your plan, but you want to use me. I love you, Lord so much, you know that right? I know that sometimes I feel alone, but at the same time I know that I am not alone, you are right there anytime ready to show yourself!! I need you Lord!! My one true love wrapping his arms around once more and giving me the strength to say Hello World!!! :) I'm so thankful to have the greatest love of all in my heart loving me every moment of the day. So with that Lord, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! :)