Ramdom Thoughts throughout the week :)

Ok ladies and gentlemen!! I know through most of the blogs that I have wrote I seem upbeat and happy go lucky girl. Well for the most part that is true, but there are some days that I hide what is underneath very well. This past weekend I have felt so alone and empty and I had no idea what was going on. I was just sad and I had no idea why. I hate when I feel that way, because if I new the reason then I could fix it. The not knowing why just got me more discouraged and and instead of going straight to the one who can help and rescue I went to Friends (the show) and Big Bang Theory and reading non fiction books that end in happily ever afters. None of that seemed to help, and I didn't know what to read in the bible so I would just open and start reading, but that got me no where.

I just felt broken and exhausted so I tried and dug deeper and kept asking God why am I feeling this way and then on Monday as I was coming home from my parents Psalms 27 came into my mind and one of my favorite verses is Psalms 27:14 "Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take hold, Wait for the Lord" But I forgot what was before that. So as soon as I got home I opened it up and it said what I needed to hear and the root of my problems. Loneliness…I just wanted someone to talk to, give me a hug tell me everything is going to be ok, and some days I feel like I have no one even though I know I have friends, but I don't want to burden them with my single dreariness. Sometimes, it gets old even for me to think about it. When I read these verses and as David said to the Lord, "Do not hide your face from me." I felt like sometimes I ask God that too. Lord, I know I'm discouraged, but please don't hide from me, I know you are there and my helper, help me see the goodness that will come from this." I know the Lord placed Psalms 27 on my heart to remind me that I am not alone and it is ok to have despair, but to remember who will help me overcome it is the Lord, Jesus Christ. :)

Ok so I have the urge to write. This concept of writing has been a eye awakening for me. I love it! I'm not that great it, but I love it. It's so much to write my thoughts and put them out there and not care if people read them or if they do I hope it is an encouragement! As of lately, I'm just a girl who loves to write! I remember when I was little I wanted to be an author, and then I wanted to be a teacher, and then I was introduced to the camera, and now I'm back to writing. Who would have thought. I blame my mom she was the one who recently started journaling and I've always wrote in journals, but since she started I've gotten into it more and then Angie introduced me to blogspot! Then it went downhill from there! I feel so much better after write and get on my thoughts on computer.

This morning I woke up and had the urge to praise! So all the way to work I just listened to joyfm and sang my little heart out! I love just listening to the words of the songs and letting them land on my heart. It amazes me how God uses music to touch souls. This weeks main goal and mission has been to "let it go and hand it over to God" I'm giving him control over my life. I mean I always have, but I think I forgot to give him some stuff so I just gave it all!! :) I'm the batter up at the plate and he is the pitcher controlling the game and I'm going to let him pitch a shutout game!! I'm going to let him control the game called life.

I miss baseball!! I miss what baseball used to mean to me. It meant being with friends I love and watching the game that never changes. Yes, the players change, but the game never changes. We however have gotten older and lives changed and we barely talk to each other anymore, but I'm so glad I have that friendship because even though we don't talk all that often when we do get together its like we never have changed.

Lord, I sit here bored at work and I wonder what the future hold. Whatever it holds, I lay it at your feet! There is one song that has been on my heart since the days of church camp "Father, I adore you, I lay my life before you." That is my motto for my life. I love you, Lord and I want my life to make your name famous!! Whatever your will is, let it be done. Amen!

Jesus, the One and Only!!

Ok I'm starting a new study by Beth Moore called..."Jesus the One and Only" and I'm super excited to dig into Luke and walk through the days of Jesus. This morning I just finished Part 1 which is all about the birth of Jesus and John. I loved reading the story of how when Mary found out she was going to have the Messiah the angel told her about Elizabeth and Mary headed straight for her house. Just goes to show God knew what he was doing. He knew that Mary would need someone on her side. Someone who knew what she was going through. God still does that. He places people in our lives who understand us and who want to help us and encourage us. That is what Elizabeth did!

I love how Beth wrote about the first night with Mary holding her baby in her arms. She wrote a description of that night that ripped my heart. Here was this young girl who didn't know the first thing about babies holding the Messiah in her arms and who was probably scared to death. But she knew God had it all planned and was by her side through it all. I can't imagine what that must have felt like. Knowing you were holding the one who was going to rescue us all. Scared, because you had no idea what you were doing. You were just about 13 or 14 years old what did you know about raising a baby. Luckily she had a husband who believed and was by her side the whole time. It just amazes me that God put his son, his only son, into the arms of someone so common as Mary and Joseph. He had a plan bigger than they could ever of imagined.

I can't wait to see what's next on our journey...OK I know what's next but to experience it with my eyes open and heart digging into my imagination and picturing what it would have been like during those times. I love taking God's word and stepping my feet into that time period and wonder what it must have felt like to go through that experience. My mom gave me this idea a while back and since then it has opened my eyes to some pretty incredible events!! I got to picture what it would have been like for Joseph (in Genesis) to be put into prison and then rescued because he could predict the future and placed in a high standing and got to see his family again, to Moses save the lives of his people, to David and Jonathan, to Esther and Ruth, leading up to most wonderful story of all Jesus!!!

I love you Lord!!

Crazy boredom at work!!

I am sitting here at work bored, I hate days like this. I miss the days when we were so crazy busy my brain was fried at the end of the day now its bored by the end of the day and then I have to head to Payless where shoes scream at me for four hours! These twelve hour days are starting to wear on me, but I'm loving the extra paycheck!! Because of that I get to finally get my Mac computer. It's a used one, but it’s a MAC!!! Therefore, I can finally use my Photoshop CS software that I've had since 2005. Then in a few months I will have saved up some extra cash so I can get an upgrade either that or I'm thinking of getting aperture or lightroom. I haven't decided yet. I'm looking forward to getting back into a world that I somewhat love! I'm not very good at it, but by golly I'm going to improve!!! I'm thinking of taking a class this fall to refresh my memory on it. We shall see.

This morning I woke up from the most depressing dream, but yet a dream that was so true. It was a dream on my fear of failure and not living up to people's expectation. It was depressing and put me in an awful mood until I was sitting there pondering the dream, when I just said "God don't let this dream get to me, its not worth it, You have it all in control and I won't ever live up to my expectations, but I want to live up to yours. I know you will never let me down and I will let you down, I'm human, You're GOD! Therefore, I will let you down, but I promise Lord that I will not the devil succeed in getting me down, instead I will smile and get up and let you take care of the day. I lay it at your feet." Then I came to work and yes I'm bored, but I'm not down anymore. I still feel Satan trying to remind me of my fears, but I don't listen, instead I say "I trust you Lord." I have been doing that all day and it seems to be working.

Ok another thing, I'm being inspired by some friends of mine who are doing this extreme diet and exercise thing, and I'm trying to reconstruct my brain into eating healthier and exercising so far this week I've got the eating part right but because of both jobs and not getting home until 10 and having to get up at 6:30 I haven't had the motivation to work out yet. I thought of waking up at 6 and walking around the block before getting ready for work, just haven't done it yet. A couple of months ago I went to the gym every day for two weeks and ate perfect and felt great and lost 4 pounds in one week. I hate that I let myself go and gain it all back. I felt so great after those two weeks. So I'm changing the way I think and I am going to try and reconstruct myself body and soul. I got a new book by Beth Moore called Jesus and I'm going to study the life of Jesus and motivate my body to have more energy! :) Wish me luck.

This past week I haven't been reading the bible as much as I usually do which I think also got me down because I so want to read and get inspired, but I have dumb excuses, like I need sleep or I just want to close my mind off and watch Friends. Does anyone know of a good bible study that is going on?

Yesterday I was watching How I Met Your Mother and it was the one where Ted bought a house because he was sick of the universe not bringing things in his order. He thought he should get married, then buy a house, and then have kids. Then he decided that is a dumb plan, I'll just go ahead and buy a home! I used to think this was suppose to be the order of things. But like Ted, Mel and I got our own home and its awesome. So far I love being a homeowner. I love coming home to a garage that as soon as we get the trash from moving out of it we can pull into. I love walking into the kitchen and sitting on the new couch!! :) I can't say this enough how much the Lord has blessed me and how much I am grateful!! :) I know people are probably tired of hearing me say that, but its so true. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the Lord playing out of my order and playing by his order of the way he wants my life to go. He is in control! :)

God is our pilot

Yesterday, we were driving home from the Hillsong Concert and we drove past the airport and this thought came to mind as I saw a plane landing on the runway. How many people on the plane are believers? It amazes me how easy people trust their pilot, but have difficult trusting in a God who saves. When you step onto that plane you are placing your trust into a complete stranger who you don't see. You hear them(once you turn your iPod down), but you can't see them. Just like God, if you listen you can hear him. We can't see God in person but I know that he is there. Just look outside at the big blue sky and the flowers that are blooming all over the place. That is God bringing his love to life. And when you are standing in the most beautiful theatre and close your eyes and hear hundreds of people praising the Lord, and you feel this immediate peace… that is not the music, the people, or the surroundings. that is God!!! You can see God in answered prayers whether they are to save a person's life or in praying to open your hearts to the things that are unseen in your lives, that need changing and watching those changes come to life. You can see God in a laugh between friends, a look between two people who were made for each other, or a smile through a complete stranger. God is with us, loving us every waking moment!! :)

Blessed and Humbled!!!

Today, I sit here on my couch in the apartment feeling overwhelmed with blessings and humbled by the grace of God! This week has been a whirlwind of excitement and craziness. It has also been filled with lots of love and laughter. I have had towork through most of this moving process which is kinda sad, but I am extremely blessed that I have great friends and family who are working hard and helping us paint and get the house together. God amazes me with every waking breath.

This past week a girl named Megan has been on heart and mainly because she needs a heart. They gave a mechanical heart that will last up until Tuesday, and if they cannot find a heart for her by then well...it doesn't look good. I have never met this girl, but her story is touching the lives of many. She has been handling this situation with her trust in the Lord. She knows that He has complete control and is trusting in that fact! My heart goes out to her family and friends and if anyone reads this please keep Megan in your heart!!!!

God is the ultimate Extreme Makeover Host!!

Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord builds it, it is worthless. It's like Field of Dreams. "If you build it they will come." So we need to let the Lord build in us who we are are and then blessings will come from him. We just have to let him work through us! It is when we try to build our lives for what we think it should it be that we start to crumble. Jesus came as a carpenter's son which I think is symbolic because He is now our Carpenter. He is the one who is building us into the men and woman he wants us to be. He is hammering away at our souls until it is absolutely perfect. :)

Easter Sunday :)

Many people ask me why Easter is my favorite holiday. To me Easter is the day my life changed forever. Easter is a day of renewal, strength, and it is magical. God sent his innocent son down here on earth to pay the price for all evil. Jesus gave up his life for for the sinner. Jesus loved us so much that he conquered evil. He showed the devil where the door was and gave new meaning to the word LOVE! HE IS LOVE!!

Easter to me is also a time to reflect how blessed I am. It's a time to remember an eleven year old girl dressed in her Easter dress who went to service knowing that Sunday would change her life forever. I do not remember what Brother Rick spoke that day, but I remember looking over at my Grandma and saying "Yes" She took my hand and we walked to the alter and with tears in her eyes we prayed together and on that day I gave my life to the Lord. I had no idea that seventeen years later Jesus and the Cross would still change my life everyday.

The Cross holds the magic. We celebrate what the Cross means and we celebrate the one who loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son and who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.(John 3:16) In the words of Jesus "It is finished" Jesus finished it for us. It is done! Jesus paid our debt that we could have life and with that we could have freedom of knowing Jesus and his love for us!