Friday, April 30, 2010

Ramdom Thoughts throughout the week :)

Ok ladies and gentlemen!! I know through most of the blogs that I have wrote I seem upbeat and happy go lucky girl. Well for the most part that is true, but there are some days that I hide what is underneath very well. This past weekend I have felt so alone and empty and I had no idea what was going on. I was just sad and I had no idea why. I hate when I feel that way, because if I new the reason then I could fix it. The not knowing why just got me more discouraged and and instead of going straight to the one who can help and rescue I went to Friends (the show) and Big Bang Theory and reading non fiction books that end in happily ever afters. None of that seemed to help, and I didn't know what to read in the bible so I would just open and start reading, but that got me no where.

I just felt broken and exhausted so I tried and dug deeper and kept asking God why am I feeling this way and then on Monday as I was coming home from my parents Psalms 27 came into my mind and one of my favorite verses is Psalms 27:14 "Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take hold, Wait for the Lord" But I forgot what was before that. So as soon as I got home I opened it up and it said what I needed to hear and the root of my problems. Loneliness…I just wanted someone to talk to, give me a hug tell me everything is going to be ok, and some days I feel like I have no one even though I know I have friends, but I don't want to burden them with my single dreariness. Sometimes, it gets old even for me to think about it. When I read these verses and as David said to the Lord, "Do not hide your face from me." I felt like sometimes I ask God that too. Lord, I know I'm discouraged, but please don't hide from me, I know you are there and my helper, help me see the goodness that will come from this." I know the Lord placed Psalms 27 on my heart to remind me that I am not alone and it is ok to have despair, but to remember who will help me overcome it is the Lord, Jesus Christ. :)

Ok so I have the urge to write. This concept of writing has been a eye awakening for me. I love it! I'm not that great it, but I love it. It's so much to write my thoughts and put them out there and not care if people read them or if they do I hope it is an encouragement! As of lately, I'm just a girl who loves to write! I remember when I was little I wanted to be an author, and then I wanted to be a teacher, and then I was introduced to the camera, and now I'm back to writing. Who would have thought. I blame my mom she was the one who recently started journaling and I've always wrote in journals, but since she started I've gotten into it more and then Angie introduced me to blogspot! Then it went downhill from there! I feel so much better after write and get on my thoughts on computer.

This morning I woke up and had the urge to praise! So all the way to work I just listened to joyfm and sang my little heart out! I love just listening to the words of the songs and letting them land on my heart. It amazes me how God uses music to touch souls. This weeks main goal and mission has been to "let it go and hand it over to God" I'm giving him control over my life. I mean I always have, but I think I forgot to give him some stuff so I just gave it all!! :) I'm the batter up at the plate and he is the pitcher controlling the game and I'm going to let him pitch a shutout game!! I'm going to let him control the game called life.

I miss baseball!! I miss what baseball used to mean to me. It meant being with friends I love and watching the game that never changes. Yes, the players change, but the game never changes. We however have gotten older and lives changed and we barely talk to each other anymore, but I'm so glad I have that friendship because even though we don't talk all that often when we do get together its like we never have changed.

Lord, I sit here bored at work and I wonder what the future hold. Whatever it holds, I lay it at your feet! There is one song that has been on my heart since the days of church camp "Father, I adore you, I lay my life before you." That is my motto for my life. I love you, Lord and I want my life to make your name famous!! Whatever your will is, let it be done. Amen!

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