Valentines Day!! :)

I think I have pushed myself into my work and kept myself so busy because I hate this women I have become. All I do is work lately and lets face it I do need the money but at the same time I hate seeing myself pushed around and shoved because on my days off which happen to usually be Sundays I don't want to go to church because I just want a day to stay in my PJs and doing nothing, but then the guilt comes into play. Because I know I need to go to church that is where my foundation is, that is where part of my strength comes from. Being around other christians worshiping the same Jesus is one of the greatest feelings of my life. And then I have my friends who also play into the guilt factor and it just sucks. God says for us to rest, but do I rest at the expense of not getting my hungry soul fed. I listen to online sermons, which today's happened to make me cry, but I know I need to be with others and not alone. I hate that my church is to far away and I use that as an excuse, but the truth is and I hope no one really reads this today, is I want to find a church where I immediately feel at home at. I'm hoping the new church in O'Fallon will be just that. I'm so sick of this woman that I am and I want to change her. I want her to be more God focused and not rely on myself so much. I want to get out and really enjoy life and I can't do that if I keep pushing myself to the limit, but I don't know how to do that. I know I can't quit my job because I need the money to pay bills, but I really miss my weekends and weeknights.

God, please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm struggling here and I go through this struggle a lot. What do you want from me?? I know I'm in this great waiting period, but seriously!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so done!!! Lord you have given me so much to be blessed and thankful for and again here I am complaining. I hate feeling this wait and I hate complaining and worrying for one I know its a sin and I'm sorry so sorry. I want my life to begin and I want your plan for my life to finally surface because right now if this is your plan for my life, its ok, but not great!! I want to be loved and focused on you!!! I fully trust you with my life. Lord, give me strength to wake up every morning totally surrendered to your will, show me what that will is, guide and direct and build up my heart and soul to reassurence of your unfailing love. Help to realize you don't need me for your plan, but you want to use me. I love you, Lord so much, you know that right? I know that sometimes I feel alone, but at the same time I know that I am not alone, you are right there anytime ready to show yourself!! I need you Lord!! My one true love wrapping his arms around once more and giving me the strength to say Hello World!!! :) I'm so thankful to have the greatest love of all in my heart loving me every moment of the day. So with that Lord, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! :)